This is my youngest, buried straight up and down in CA, a few weeks ago. Looks painful to me!
Growing up, my Uncle lived with us to help pay the rent. Being that he is only six years older than me, he was more of an annoying older brother than "Uncle." He would often walk up and ask if I would like a "Hertz donut." Then he would proceed to punch, flick or generally inflict some sort of pain. I kept falling for it, because for the life of me, I had no idea what Hertz rental cars and donuts had to do with punching me. It took many a flick and several years for me to realize he was saying "Hurts, don’t it?"
All this to say that disappointment hurts, don’t it? Yes, we’re back to that topic. I still need a few more responses to "What do you do, as a parent when your child doesn’t make the team, or win first place, or any prize at all?" I just need one or two lines in the comment section or you can email me here. No guarantees, but you do have a shot at your tip being published in a magazine.
So respond today, or I’ll be forced to eat another Hertz donut.
Well, you begin by teaching them that they are not the only pebble on the beach, that ife does not revolve around them. You also teach them that God has purposes and plans bigger than we can see. You also teach them to find joy in seeing their friends and peers rewarded even when they sometimes don’t deserve it, isn’t that what grace is all about? You also teach them that there is nothing that escapes the view of God and that he has a special reward laid up for them, one that is also proportionate on how they deal with this whole thing. Then you give them a hug and love on them :).
blessings, Penny Raine
Penny’s answers are great…. she wrote everything I was going to say. It all goes under the general heading of How to Handle Disappointment, which is an incredibly valuable skill. The absence of this skill is crippling to a person of any age.
I find that I am more disappointed and heartsick than my kids are when they don’t “make it” than they are. I remember when Michael applied for his first job, I spent three days racking my brain for a no-fail plan to ensure that he got that job – I seriously thought about calling the manager and arranging a one-on-one with him to tell him all about Michael and his sweet attitude and his learning disability and how hard he tries…in the end, I realized that all I could do was pray non-stop for the opportunity to celebrate with Michael if he got the job or to console him and re-direct him if he didn’t. It was a sobering time as I realized how little control I have over the outcome of my kids’ lives. I can pray for them, point them in the right direction, coach them through tough times, pray for them some more, call in a few favors every once in a while, try to surround them with great role models and mentors, encourage them to take risks and take on challenging opportunities, I can walk in front of them (lead), walk beside them (encourage), and walk behind them (pray over every step they take). I’ve only had to coach one of my 3 kids through a disappointing time. And it was terrible and wonderful at the same time. It forced me to suck it up and not seek revenge or justice on behalf of my child. It gave me an opportunity to thoughtfully choose to walk as Jesus would walk. I remember having time stand still so many times when hard questions were asked – and God gave me grace and wisdom and answers and when He gave me no words or answers, He gave me compassion that wasn’t pity, but was life-giving and life-restoring and He gave me wisdom and nudged me to seal my lips and respond with a hug when necessary. I still don’t feel prepared to deal with disappointment, but having walked and worked through it, I don’t think I’ll be quite as blindsided by the rush of emotions and hopefully will be able to respond with love and discernment and wisdom in whatever situation comes our way. I’d have to say that when disappointing times for our kids come along, there’s sometimes not a lot to say that is helpful, much like the trite-though-sincere sentiments we express at funerals, it’s more about what we don’t say. It’s more about being supportive and being ready to pull together as a “team” (our family) in order to work through these situations. Acknowledging the disappointment and being ready to listen and respond at the right time and in the right way is so important. Allowing time for my kids to feel things deeply and work through the emotions then asking the right, non-invasive questions is also really important. In one specific instance, one of my kids was acting out in anger over something neither he nor we were aware of. I really felt it was appropriate to seek Christian family counseling (just one session was extremely helpful) in order to get to the root of the anger. It turned out that there was a deep disappointment that had been internalized and they weren’t sure how to feel or express their feelings of disappointment. Talking it out and having the counselor help us with an action plan was extremely helpful and a wise investment of time and money. Ummm…have I left anything out?
WEIRD. I JUST heard “Hertz Donut” for the first time on Sunday afternoon at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. Three street performers were entertaining the crowd with a skit. The three were portraying city street workers and their boss from the 1940s and the boss asked them if they wanted a Hertz Donut.
Unless a company called “Hertz” used to make donuts, I still don’t get it.