Audra Krell

On Purpose

Once Alone and Abandoned

Today I'm honored to have my friend Lance from Jungle of Life sharing some his thoughts on abandonment. Lance is a husband, father to 3, IT guy, and weekend athlete extraordinaire. I love his Blog, and especially the people I have met in the Jungle. His Sunday Thought For the Day posts aren't to be missed. Thanks Lance for your authenticity – you are much appreciated!

Abandoned man

photo credit: uckhet

“I say my hell is the closet I'm stuck inside” ~ Dave Matthews Band

Alone.  Nowhere to turn.  Nowhere to go. 

Abandoned.

Have you ever felt this way?  In this world we live in, surrounded by people and technology to keep us connected, multiple programs to bring us back into alignment with self – and still…abandoned.   Empty.

Maybe that relates to a period where we’ve felt particularly alone – and that could be in many different forms. Emotional, Spiritual, physical.  Abandonment can happen on one or more of these planes of our existence.  

  • Emotional: Disconnecting from where our emotions and mental capacities reside.  
  •  Spiritual: Feeling abandoned by what we see as Source in our life. 
  • Physical: Feeling alone in the physical realm

 Have you been there?

My Story

There is no perfect life. 

A few years ago I abandoned myself. I was going through the motions, and living in a haze.  Outwardly, everything appeared “right and good”.  Inwardly I felt disconnected, lacking, and empty.  It affected my relationship with family.  Have you ever been there?  Feeling disconnected from those around you?   Feeling emptiness inside? 

I was at a point where I didn’t care about disconnection or emptiness.  I had abandoned myself emotionally and spiritually, and I didn’t need help from family, friends, or a Higher Power.  And this feeling of abandonment – of really separating from my core – was pulling me down, even though I didn’t see it. 

It wasn’t until I looked within, to see what my soul was saying, that I began to let go of the emptiness. I focused equally on all aspects of my being – physical, emotional, and spiritual – and began to remove the abandonment.   

Emptiness transcended.  Life was again abundant.  The emptiness was transforming into fullness.  A sense of lacking was replaced with one of gratitude.  I no longer felt the pain of abandonment. 

All aspects of my life were back and in alignment.  I allowed people who were important to me, back into my emotional life.  Physically I began to care more for my health.  And spiritually, I let a Higher Source, who for me is God, re-enter my heart.  No longer was there that feeling of having abandoned myself.  Once again I felt whole, and full. 

 

You’re Never Alone

God's saving presence is in the midst of hopelessness and despair.  He is with us always.  We are never alone.  It doesn’t matter if we’re experiencing much goodness, or great emptiness – God is walking with us.  We just have to extend our hand (and heart) and let God in. 

 

There are people in this world who care and are here to listen.  Do you need someone to talk with?  Are you feeling emptiness in your life? 

You are not abandoned.  God loves you, and He will not leave you.

We are here to listen. 

Lance can be reached at:  lance@jungleoflife.com

Audra can be reached at:  Audrakrell@aol.com

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21 thoughts on “Once Alone and Abandoned

  1. My mother left me when I was 4, and my grandmother took me in but was very unkind. I also had no supervision or guidance as a teen and did some really dumb stuff.
    When I think of this, and how I could have turned out, I thank God for lifting me up and covering me in a time when I didn’t even know who He was. Now I know I was never abandoned. He was right there with me the entire time. Praise to Him!
    Thank you for this post.

  2. Abandonment is usually a really big issue for incest and abuse survivors. First, you are abandoned by whatever adult is supposed to be taking care of you either because of neglect or abuse. Then you abandon yourself because otherwise you might now survive the pain of the abuse.
    It has been a long struggle to come back to myself and deal with the abandonment issues. It started in a 12-Step Program when I learned about a Higher Power who was the God of my understanding. Then a whole world of connection and spirituality opened up for me. Today, I thank God for who I am and for all of the wonderful people who have helped me get where I am today with their love and understanding. I thank God for never leaving me alone.

  3. Hi Audra & Lance,
    Feeling abandoned is heartbreaking. The time when I felt abandoned was when my mother died. Having already lost my father, her death made me feel I had lost my roots. By the grace of God I got through that rough time, but I’ll never forget those feelings of sadness, emptiness, and doom.

  4. @Yum Yucky – I’m sorry to hear what you dealt with as a child, Josie. It’s easy to feel abandoned, and that we’re alone. Yet we never are. God IS with us always, although that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to know He’s there. Thank you for being here today, and for sharing your experience. This is a real example of God in action.
    @Patricia/Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker – This is difficult for me to comprehend, how difficult your days were at times. Really, this feels like abandonment on several levels – and part of that just to work toward survival. I’m really glad to hear you’re where you are today, and that a spiritual connection, that God, has become that rock for you to rely upon. He is there, always. You know that, and how wonderful that you’re at this place in your life journey. Patricia, I truly appreciate you sharing your story. As sad and difficult as this is to imagine and hear – your words here may be just what someone else needs to hear, someone who is in a position like this now. And that’s even harder for me to grasp, that this goes on today, yet I know it does. Sadly, there are countless children and adults out there who struggle with this whole abandonment feeling – because of things being done or having been done to them. Thank you for being so open and candid here.
    @Barbara – I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose one of my parents, let alone both. Especially if this were to happen at a young age. There is a lot of connection to who we are through these people we call “Mom” and “Dad”. Having a loving God in your life can make all the difference,and it’s really good to hear you had this Presence during these difficult day. Again, thank you for sharing your experiences.

  5. Audra, I’m so glad I found your blog by clicking over from Lance’s blog today! I’ll definitely be back to read on. I’d love to chime in on today’s subject:
    Lance, this post really touched my heart. Abandonment is such a huge subject that can be looked at from so many different angles. The angle that I come from is that of the adopted child. Many fellow adoptees that I have talked with over the years have struggled with issues of abandonment on some level, no matter what age they were when adopted, no matter how loving their adopted family is or was. When I realized as a young adult the truth that you touched on, that God is always walking with me, and has always been with me, it transformed me. I let go of the disconnectedness that I felt, because I knew that through Him, I was connected in a deeper, more profound way to others than flesh and blood alone.

  6. Thank you for sharing your story.
    My heart always goes out to kids who have no support system. I have no idea how they are able to survive.

  7. Hi Lance,
    What a heartfelt post. I’ve been blessed to have never experienced abandonment in any deep sense. Disconnected, yes. At the same time I always knew that I only had to reach out and a loved one would be there. I know not everyone is so lucky.
    Abandoning myself was a thought that hadn’t occured to me before. I wonder if I’ve done that, and this is something to journal and reflect on. Thanks for this new idea!
    Hi Audra,
    I like the simplicity and serenity of your site!

  8. Hmmm….it seems that at the subconscious level, I have had several abandonment issues myself. I have no conscious awareness of them until I decided to go on a self discovery journey.
    I’m glad that you’ve managed to sort out your abandonment issues. There is no need to feel lonely because you are not truly alone! You’ve got Spirit/God looking out for you!

  9. @Clara – You’ll enjoy your visits here very much, Audra is not only a wonderful writer – she is also just a very kind and caring lady. And thank you for sharing part of the journey you’ve been on. You bring up something I haven’t really thought much about – and yet, it’s very real. I wonder if I end up showing a blind eye to this kind of abandonment? You’re opening my heart up to what being an adoptee is like. And what wonderful news of how God has worked in your life, Clara. It’s so great to hear stories like this, of how your life has really been transformed because of a God who knows and loves you more deeply than we can even imagine!
    @Vered – Thanks for stopping by Vered. Children who suffer – this really is one of the hardest things for me to even comprehend. What a testament to their will to go on and persevere – this is difficult at levels I can’t even imagine.
    @Daphne – Hi Daphne. This is so great to read. I think we all have periods where we become a bit disconnected. Having loved ones in our life who care and will always be there – this is a real gift to have. And yes, not everyone has that. Or, not everyone reaches out to those that are there and whom care – keeping it locked up inside. I’m glad, also, that you’ve enjoyed your visit here to Audra’s site – serenity – what a wonderful word to describe this place on the web. I find that, too, when I visit this place I enjoy so much.
    @Evelyn – Hi Evelyn. I love this thought – of what’s going on at the subconscious level. And that really is something that takes some self-discovery to get to, and to get to the deeper issues that might be buried deeply within our soul. And Evelyn, I can think of no one better at really reaching this subconscious level than you. I think this is a real gift you have, to look within, and I learn so much from you in this way of getting to a deeper place.

  10. Oh Lance!
    This was amazingly beautiful! When my step dad left my mom she took her anger out of my sisters and I. She would literally joke and say she was not the mama. That truly made us feel abandoned, but I’ve always had God and my sisters.
    This was an excellent post!

  11. Hi Tabitha,
    I’m sorry to hear of what you suffered as a child. It’s great that you had your sisters, although, still, I can’t imagine how difficult this could have been. Our God is an awesome God, and just look at how wonderful your life is today, and all the good you’re doing in this world – you are a shining example of doing good works in His name! Thanks so much for sharing your story here.

  12. Audra, this is a meaningful reflection. Human beings do not always realize when or why they abandon their true selves. When a person feels disconnected from friends, family, and the life he has come to know, his spirit is actually encouraging him to look inside for answers. The disconnected ness does not happen overnight. It evovles over a period of perceived time. As a person develops trust, his awareness opens. Life becomes occasion to expand and grow differently. To develop gratitude for what is, changes you.

  13. Hi Liara,
    So well said. This idea of being disconnected and how that is encouraging us to look within – I can’t get over how uplifting this though is! And I think it gives hope for all – that abandonment doesn’t have to be permanent. And that this can lead us back out to some great places. Liara, thank you for your words of wisdom here…

  14. Thanks Audra. I can always look to Krellfish for something real yet uplifting.

  15. nice post. interesting comments

  16. Hi Lance
    This is so beautiful and I can feel your true spirit. I too was once alone then like you said I found my way and then I learn that we are never alone. God is within each of us. All we have to do is be still and we can hear him and feel him. Whenever I feel sadness I look within and listen. Thank you for sharing your story, I am honored to have read this.
    We are not alone. Thank you.
    Hi Audra
    This is my first time here, and I am very glad to have come. Thank you for doing your work, remind us that we might have felt abandoned but we are not alone.
    Giovanna Garcia
    Imperfect Action is better than No Action

  17. Thank you for sharing your story. Listing out the 3 areas emotional, spiritual, and physical really helps me realize where I sometimes disconnect.

  18. @Annie – Hi Annie. Audra does a great job of keeping it real. This was a challenging piece for me to write, and without Audra’s help – it never would have come to completion. She was my sounding board several times, as I worked through how so say what I was trying to hear. Thanks for stopping by.
    @Hkki – Thanks much.
    @Giovanna – Thanks so much for your words here Giovanna. That we’re never alone – that’s a comforting thought, knowing God is always there. When we don’t see Him with us, that’s when this can be very difficult. Look within and listen – that is so simple and also so profound – He is there with us – we just have to quiet our souls so that we can see Him within. That’s a wonderful thought. And yes, Audra put together this whole series of posts on abandonment, which is no easy subject to discuss. Yet, it’s out there, and if any of these post help even one person to see that they are not alone – ths they’ve all been so worth writing. And that’s all Audra, and her deep desire to both share this topic and see others not suffer…
    @Stacey / Create A Balance – Hi Stacey. Thank you for stopping over here. This whole idea of three areas was something that came up because of the e-book you compiled many months ago – and as I thought of how to contribute to that – these three areas kept coming up (and were the basis of my submission). Since that time, I’ve thought a lot about how all three of these are being balanced in my life. And that continues here, in the light of abandonment – that this can happen in any of these areas – and when it does, our life balance can get out of whack. So, thank you Stacey, for starting this whole thought process so many months ago.

  19. Wow, thank you for sharing that Lance and Audra! Just reading this encouraging that there is hope for those who feel that there is none, so thank you both. Thank you Audra for doing this series and thank you Lance for opening up and sharing. It’s liberating to others.
    I too have felt alone and abandoned. I would say most of us have. There was a time when I felt really alone and unaccepted and abandoned by others. It was really hard. (Really I still feel this in a lot of ways in my current location.) But, I decided that God had me in this place experiencing this for a reason. I decided He needed to teach me, like the song says so beautifully, that He is always there and that I’m never alone because He is there. So I took advantage of this time and really drew closer to God, learning Him more fully and developing a deep personal relationship with Him. I asked Him to make me beautiful for Him during this time so that I can better serve Him and so He can make me a better friend to those he would put in my path eventually. It has been wonderful! He’s still teaching me so many things, but I am so close to Him and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
    The words in this song are so beautiful!

  20. Hi Jennifer,
    Feeling alone and abandoned – yes, I think most have felt this at some level in their lives. And these times can be lonely. That you’ve felt this way – and that you sometimes still feel this – I appreciate your honesty. In fact I wonder how many suffer silently, and haven’t let God in. You’ve experienced that we’re never alone – not when we let God in. He’s always there, and He always will be. And isn’t that a comforting feeling! I love how you’ve grown closer to God in these times. And I know many great things have been happening through God’s glory in your life – and that’s testament right there to how your growing closer to God has made you an instrument of His love.
    And the song – I love the message, and the hope that these words provide, especially in relation to feeling alone – and knowing that our God is always there.
    Jennifer, thank you for sharing where you’re at, and what God has meant in your life. These words you’ve written express exactly the message I was hoping to portray – about how God never abandons us, and we just have to let Him in.

  21. You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret of success.

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