Audra Krell

Santa Save Me

 Love this picture of Santa looking like he's ready to hurry down our chimney since I've been an angel all year.

 Okay, okay, most of you are shaking your heads, maybe I haven't been an angel, but I've been through it this past year. You'd think after 17 years of living with men, I'd get it. I'd understand life with boys. 

Like how on any given Sunday you walk into your family room and a Hulk sized athletic cup is sitting right in the middle of the floor. (Woe to my elderly neighbor who stopped by with a plate of cookies, I think she's been scarred.)

While trying to avoid it, I step on a hotbed of Legos. I've heard Tim Hawkins joke about it, but darn it,there really isn't anything funny about it. At all.

And then the phone call from my oldest, who is having his wisdom teeth extracted tomorrow. 

    "Mom, some people from work just told me if I take 5 Midol and drink a blue Gatorade, my  pain killers will absorb much faster after my surgery."  

    "Midol?" I said.

    "You know, the stuff for heartburn that starts with an M."

    "Son, that ain't Midol. Trust me, I've tried it. And by the way, we won't be doing that with Maalox either. . ."

So Santa, leave a blue Gatorade, new Legos and some HGH, and maybe a big bottle of Calgon –