Audra Krell

On Purpose

Bed, Bath & Beyond Breakdown

Photo Courtesy @Andrew Bender

That’s my “I’ve got 85 more days with my boy and I’m wearing a foam finger” smile. That was May 24.

Today I more resemble the boy behind me, sort of a dumbfounded look saying “what’s going on here?” combined with Keegan’s look of “is this really happening?”

Alas, it really is happening. He’s leaving a week from today.

I’ve found, that breakdowns can really occur anywhere. I have no shame.

No one is immune. Even the pediatrician, as we are discussing one of my other sons, might be the unsuspecting victim of the ugly cry.

Even in church, as they honored Keegan in front of thousands of people on Sunday, I bawled. A friend thought of calling 911, as I was almost prone in the vicinity of pew 10. Woman down.

What about the customer service rep at Bed, Bath and Beyond when I lost one of my coupons yesterday? Is that really something to get choked up about?

Because she was so gracious about the coupon though, I wanted to ask her, what exactly is the “beyond” your sign so eloquently speaks of?

What will happen to me next week as all the bed and bath supplies are purchased and hanging in his new home? How will I feel when one less place is set at dinner? Or the first time he calls and says “Mom, I’m sick.”  Or the Saturday morning I wake up and just want to have breakfast with him? Or at midnight when I wake up frantic because he hasn’t told me he’s home yet? Or the countless hugs and merciless teasing which will be absent from every day?

They should just call it Bed and Bath. Adding Beyond makes it sound exciting and I for one think it’s cruel. It implies there is something in that store to fill the hole in our home.

I searched the whole place yesterday, there isn’t a thing.


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14 thoughts on “Bed, Bath & Beyond Breakdown

  1. Gretchen on said:

    Will be praying for you all as you face the highs & lows of this new transition. When I met Keegan, he was so fresh from God, & now ready to fledge. If it seems incredible how fast the time has gone by to me, how much more so for you?! Hugs & love, my friend. Call me any time. I’ll call you in a couple of weeks to say hi. Meanwhile, peace & joy to you, Mama. He’ll always need ya.

    • Oh Gretchen, Thank you for the sweet encouragement, love and hugs. He was just a little peanut when you met him, now such a man, I’m trying so hard to look forward to what is next for him. God has wonderful things in store.

  2. Awe… He will love you for this in those times of brokenness.

  3. ….those next steps in the journey…(for you, for Keegan)

    Much love to you, as you all take these steps…

  4. It took my wife a long time to get use to our oldest being gone. I really thought she was prepared… She wasn’t… Then when our middle left for college I thought, “She’ll certainly know how to handle this now.” She didn’t… I’m not sure a mom can ever get used to letting go of the child they have been preparing to let go since birth. All I can really say is life changes. It’s never the same again… God is good and the new chapters of your life and theirs will be good, just different…

    Think of it this way, look at all the new writing material you’ve got! This post is great! Full of real life and humor that we can all relate to, even if we haven’t been there and the best part? The real life solemn ending. Nice job mom. Hang in there, grandkids are right around the corner! I hope that doesn’t make you start crying…

    • I really think I will be a lot like your wife. It won’t be any easier when the other 2 go. Thank you for your support and your wisdom, God is good all the time and things will be different. God loves me so much that he has made an opportunity for my son to go to college and to be on his own. It’s funny, because my son wants to start a family early, I just need to take things one step at a time! : ) Thanks again Floyd.

  5. oh how very true.

    Thanks for your fabulous comment on Gracereign, btw. I responded there. :O)

  6. Reblogged this on Audra Krell and commented:

    One year later I’m not sure I’m ready for him to go again.

  7. I love this post… I’ve read too many to count… but this one is right up at the top! And you’re right… It doesn’t get any easier…

  8. I just stumbled upon your blog by googling “Trapper Keepers”. LOL While shopping for school supplies for my children, I started thinking back to my school days and how much I loved my school supplies, especially my Trapper Keeper! LOL! BUT… little did I know I would find myself sitting at the computer crying my eyes out! I too have a child leaving for college in a few short days and needless to say, I am beside myself with sadness and emotions. I could totally relate with all of your thoughts.. My daughter was honored and prayed for in our church last Sunday, with many tears falling, and I too have thought about one less seat at the dinner table, our family movie nights and just hanging out with my girl. 🙂 I know I will make it through.. but I also know that this Saturday, as we move her into her dorm, I will be one HUGE MESS! I am a mother of 6 and this is the first time one of my babies is leaving home. I don’t think it will get any easier with each child. Thank you for your blog and for sharing your heart. It helps to know there are other moms as emotional as me. 🙂 God bless you and your family!

    • Tiffany, thank you so much for stopping by and especially for joining the conversation. That post was from last year, my son leaves in 2 days for his sophomore year and while it’s not quite as bad as last year, I’m not feeling so great about it this year either. I’m so proud of him, I just love having him around!
      Go easy on yourself sister. It was November of last year before I felt better, maybe that was because I knew Christmas was coming! The day we moved him in, I held it together better than I ever dreamed I would. I wasn’t fake either. But oh boy on the way home, I lost it bad.
      I was even crying over your comment, I feel your pain, being the momma of six, this is just so hard! I cannot believe how similar our lives are. How far away will your daughter be?
      Feel free to come back here and pour your heart out girl after the big day. Know that I’m praying for you to more than make it through this weekend.
      Every blessing to you and ALL of yours!

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