Audra Krell

On Purpose

Archive for the category “Women”

Back to School Survival

Well I made it. Monday marked the start of school for the 3 boys. We now have a senior, freshman and freshman in middle school as he likes to call himself. The emotions of "all things back to school" can take their toll, so I have made a handy acrostic to help you survive the start of school. 

Starbucks: Right after the little cherubs are safely at school, hit Starbucks or the like. You will be in desperate need of the ever popular stimulant and its positive effects. Caffeine has been proven to increase attentiveness. You'll want to be awake to watch your chick flicks, read your chick-lit, chew a Chiclet and to just be a chick.

Chocolate: It has caffeine.It prevents chick fits. See above. 

Hershey's Kisses: Little chocolate drops of love and affirmation. See above.

Organize: Your day around chocolate. If you need a reason, see above.

Object: To anyone who wants to tell you about the negative affects of caffeine. Remind her that no one likes a Negative Nelly.

Lava Cake: The perfect meal any time of day. It packs protein,fats, vitamins and carbs into one heavenly slice. Plus it has antioxidants which have cancer fighting properties.

Follow my SCHOOL acrostic or think chocolate and you'll be just fine.

Cecil Murphey Interview

 I'm thrilled to have interviewed Cecil Murphey about his latest book When A Man You Love Was Abused

You discuss how one in every six males has experienced
unwanted or abusive sexual experiences before the age of sixteen. With those kinds
of numbers, even if a woman doesn't intimately know someone who has been
abused, we are encountering survivors on a daily basis. What advice do you have
for us when we interact with survivors such as grocery clerks, authority
figures, friends, and co-workers?

Cecil: This answer probably sounds
negative but it's important. 

  1. Don't
    take the initiative even if you know the man was abused.
  2. Let
    him open up and speak about his abuse. If he opens up to you, it's like a
    big risk for him. Don't let him regret it.
  3. Encourage
    him, but don't give him answers—even if you're convinced you know exactly what he needs to hear.
  4. Please don't use phrases such as, "You're
    special," or "I love you." We heard those words from the
    adults who stole our childhood.
  5. Don't touch him unless you're certain it's all right.
    Some men freeze when touched. Honor that confiding trust and don't tell his
    story to anyone—anyone—without his permission.

You reference the masks that men
who've been abused wear, as well as the masks we all wear in public. In the
past few years, "masks" have been associated with presenting our
"false selves" to the world. I like what you believe though, that all
the masks are glimpses of the "real" person. Please tell us more
about this. 

The masks abused men wear show a
glimpse of who we are. Another way to say it is that the masks often show you who we'd like to be.

Before I dealt with my abuse,
others referred to me as a happy person. That was true—sometimes. I wanted to
be happy and to enjoy my life.

The masks aren't intentional
deception. In fact, the masks aren't about relating to or impressing others.
Think of them as protection. We
weren't aware of not being our true selves as much as it was our way to retreat
from our pain. 

I'm married to an amazing man and have the privilege of
knowing, loving, and raising three boys. I'm passionate about intentionally
respecting all the men in my life. In your book you discuss survivors becoming
victims a second time by the inner abuse they subject themselves to. How can we
as women make sure we aren't subjecting our men to a third round of

Be sensitive to him and his mood.   

Don't pry.  When we know we're loved for who we are
and not for the good things we do, we can and will open up. We want to open up,
even though it scares some men so badly they can't do it.

I lived in silence about my abuse
for 40 years. My wife didn't suspect, and she did the one thing I needed: She
loved me without any conditions. That's a cliché, but I don't think most men
feel that depth of love. It took me years of marriage before I was convinced
Shirley loved me just for who I was.

We all have roles within the family
structure. As the fifth of seven children, I was the good boy. I did good
things for people and got along well. On an unconscious level, I felt that as
long as I was good people would like me. I needed someone who would love me at
my worst as well as my best. Shirley was that person.

My best friend, David, was as firm
in his irrefutable love as Shirley. Encourage him to open up to other men. Too
many women carry the emotional issues for men, but they need other men. There
are things about our abuse that are easier to discuss with another male than
with a female.

Cecil, Thank you for your time and especially for sharing your thoughts on a very difficult subject. 

For more information visit: Men Shattering the Silence.

Over Commitment Already

Tackle It Tuesday MemeToday I’m tackling the last weekday of summer.  That seems like a sad statement.  Why would a summer day, and one of the last ones, need to be tackled?  Well, to begin with, our vacation ends today.  We arrive back at the airport, the same time our son (who is unaccompanied) arrives from a different state.  And I’m pretty sure he’ll arrive in a different section of the airport, even though we’re both on Southwest Airlines.  After meeting our son, we go straight to the church to pick up the other two from Church Camp.  Go home, throw in the start of nine loads of laundry, and I go right back to the church for our worship team monthly dinner.

Tomorrow morning bright and early I am volunteering at the high school for sophomore registration.  Then the week continues with leading a writer’s group, attending another monthly writer’s group and a meet and greet with the other two boy’s teachers.  I’m already over-committed and school hasn’t even begun.  This does not seem like the right way to start off.

Today I have to tackle making a plan, so that the rest of the school year doesn’t go at this pace.  There are three important things to help take the reigns:

  • Prioritize  My three most important priorities are God, Family/Friend ,Time and Writing.
  • Plan  I will plan dinner menus which save money, creates family time and keeps me on the road to success.  If I fail to plan, I might as well plan to fail.
  • Praise  People around me need lots of it and that includes going easy on myself when things don’t go just the way I think they should, like when I over commit.  This also includes recognizing and respecting the good that is in all of us.

You know, it’s still early, but I can feel it’s going to be a great day!

Wordless Wednesday (My Nieces)

Cimg0809_2 My 5 year old niece after our "makeovers."  She drew a sunset around the snake she painted on my face.

Cimg0816_2 Our three year old niece.  Clearly I could use another makeover.

5 Minutes for Mom has hundreds of Wordless Wednesday Pictures.

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