Audra Krell

On Purpose

Archive for the tag “God”

Saying Goodbye to Beryl Avenue

Beryl at Dusk

Beryl at Dusk

This is our last night in our home of almost twelve years. Steve and I were running errands today and of course, Miranda Lambert’s “The House that Built Me,” came on. Pretty sure they haven’t played it on the radio in two years. Internal breakdown commenced.

She wrote that song for just such a time as this.

“Upstairs in the back bedroom, it’s where Keegan did his homework and learned to play guitar”15763_34_img_00051

“And I’ll bet you didn’t know under that live oak, our favorite dog has been in our backyard”

Favorite Dog in Our Backyard

Ollie in Our Backyard

 

“Mama cut out pictures of houses for years. From Better Homes and Garden Magazine. Plans were drawn, concrete poured, and nail by nail and board by board, Daddy gave life to Mama’s dream.”

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“I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing”

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“Won’t take nothing but a memory, from the house that, built me.”

 

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My head knows all the right stuff. It’s just a house, we’ll make new memories, home is where the heart is.

It’s my heart that seems to be stuttering.

There is something I do know with all my heart, mind, body and soul.

That should I wake in the morning, God in His infinite mercy, will give us the privilege of starting a new, grand adventure.

May He continue to be the only house that forever builds us. Amen.

Goodbye Beryl

Goodbye Beryl

Happy Hospital Dreams

Portrait of happy woman doctor

Only a few dreams haunt me. I remember with startling clarity a terrifying dream from my childhood and I have yet to decipher what it means. I suspect I never will. It’s so scary that I hope to never get acquainted with the meaning by living out the dream.

Then there was a prophetic dream five years ago, foretelling of a medical tragedy two people continue to struggle with today. (That is for another post as I can’t publish it here until after it’s hopefully published in a story compilation book.)

Last night though, I had a happy dream. I was the only nurse caring for at least 8 babies in a hospital. Which I confess is based off the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. I realize the fact that I still watch that show is a confession I shouldn’t make here or really anywhere. But back to the happy dream of being the only caregiver in a stressful NICU, I realized this morning that I cared for the babies all night and was not stressed. I was happy. Blissfully happy.

During my run this morning it became clear that I’ve had many dreams about caring for people in a hospital. In every  one of them it was hard and exhausting work, but overall, I’m wildly happy in that setting. Wildly happy I tell you.

Further this morning it came to light, that God speaks in these happy hospital dreams. I’ve spent my life asking God to reveal my purpose, my direction, what I should do with my life. I’m certain that He has whispered to me in many dreams over the years. There is no doubt that the happiness I experience in dreams and especially in real life medical settings is a gift from Him.

Caring for all of God’s people is a calling, a purpose, an upward direction and definitely what I should do with my life.

If I can show the love of Christ with a smile, a nod of understanding and a gentle healing touch then I believe I’m at the center of His will. There is not a happier place to be.

Does God speak to you through your dreams? What has He revealed to you?

Nobody Kicks our Can

The whine of the garbage truck squealed  for too long in front of our house. I had overfilled the large receptacle and walked to the window with dread. Sure enough, the driver was out of the truck, picking up trash. Just as I went to help him, he reared back and kicked the can five feet.

“He just kicked the can down the street,” I yelled to our 14 -year -old son as I hurried to find my shoes so I could outside to have a word with him. At the very least I was going to call his superiors to complain; nobody kicks our can.

By the time I got to the end of the driveway though, the can sat upright and the trash truck was gone. I picked up the remaining trash and turned to go inside. 

I was met by our huffing 6', 215 pound seventeen -year -old. When our middle boy saw me go outside, he went to rally his brothers.

“Where is he?” 

“He’s gone honey, but he picked up the can,” I said.

“I’m going to find him, you don’t do that,” he said while looking up and down the street.

“It’s okay, let’s just let it go.”

It was like talking down a prize- fighter facing his biggest opponent, but somehow I convinced him to go inside.

As we walked back, I was struck by the protective hearts boys have. I am so used to defending them, protecting and softening the blow, that I didn’t even question charging outside to confront a visibly angry man. 

In Ephesians 5:25, God commands husbands to love their wives. A big part of loving is protecting. I realized my boys are not going to kick into protection mode the day they are married. It is up to me to allow them to be the protector; to respect the way God has wired them to treat all women. 

When they are young, we encourage imaginary play that allows them to be the hero. As they grow and playing pretend isn’t as acceptable, opportunities to singlehandedly save the world are put away with childish things. 

Our boys are 17, 14 and 12. The need to be the hero in a world where there aren’t many, is more critical than ever. The acknowledgement of their warrior hearts and the way God has wired them is validating, freeing and respectful to a young man.

The “angry trash man” was an opportunity to let the boys defend and protect. I have to proactively look for situations where the boys can be heroes.  Then someday, they'll  be heroes to their wife and children.

 

40 And Free

  • 40 is 35 years of a perfect family
  • 40 is 25 years of knowing my incredible husband
  • 40 is 29 weeks of carrying Keegan and the miracle of his survival
  • 40 is 8 and 9 lbs respectively of Mason and Landon's miraculous birth
  • 40 is 17 years of living the miracle of marriage every day
  • 40 is 37 years and finally answering God's call on my life
  • 40 is 29 and publicly proclaiming my faith and living fully for God
  • 40 is 27 and moving to Arizona to be part of a deeply blessed community of friends/family
  • 40 is even 8 trips to the ER in 6 months and the miracle of great health care
  • 40 is a 7 day cruise with the 4 loves of my life
  • 40 is 5/31, Memorial Day. Perfect, as my heart overflows with gratitude and deep respect for all the soldiers who give everything so I can be 40 and free.

Shopping Cart Abandonment

So as I was researching this post, I came across an article on why users abandon shopping carts. Excited, I clicked on it. As pictures of upside down shiny metal carts behind Safeway and other carts abandoned in strange places filled my head, I really wanted to know the psychology behind a shopping cart abandoner. Are they people who get a thrill off stealing the cart but then cannot get it up their apartment stairs? Do they not have room for it in their home? Do people drive the cart way out in the desert,dump it in a dried riverbed and see how long it takes to find it's way back to the store? Is it latchkey children with nothing better to do but shove the cart into traffic and run?

Well, it wasn't those kind of shopping carts. Apparently I'm not as tech minded as I thought, as the article referred to electronic shopping carts. People abandon those for all the reasons you might imagine, hidden charges, complicated sign up or sign out, slow internet connection,etc. 

Which made me see that all forms of abandonment are similar. Often people abandon relationships because they discover hidden things about the other person, they feel it's too complicated to get involved, too complicated to get out, or the relational connection is too slow and they give up.

All of those reasons though, focus on the other person, who we cannot change. God created each of us as unique individuals and we are the only ones who can change. 

Today is a good day to take a relational inventory. Ask yourself if you appear impatient, unavailable or non- accepting. 

If you are, what could you be doing differently to start living with intention and abandon?

Christmas Letters

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There are two types of Christmas letters. One is the four page, single spaced, double sided, depressing, shoot- me- now letter. The other is the one I usually send out. All the accolades I can pack onto one page, highlighting my kid's Student Council Presidency, Honor Society, Ministry involvement, music awards, sports highlights and charity volunteerism. I've heard those make the average reader a little sick. 

But this year I didn't send one out. It would have been the year to do it. Our family collectively suffered a nasty ankle sprain, chronic sinus infections, Croup, Wry Neck, double foot surgery, an appendectomy, a Grade III concussion which rendered our son momentarily blind, disease in both knees, at least 6 ER visits, two hospital stays, and probably a Partridge in a Pear Tree. The list was so unbelievable that I couldn't bring myself to write it. So I thought I would do it differently this year.

It's simple really. God has never been better to us. After every valley, I would have mountain top moments where I needed to "tell it on the mountain." 

Jesus Christ is born and He loves all of us deeply.

 He has brought Peace.

Am I anxious for these trying medical times to be over? Absolutely. I cannot wait for 2010, only because I know the best is yet come.

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