Audra Krell

On Purpose

Archive for the tag “Leaving for college”

Crying in My Cruffins

Photo courtesy @Istockphoto

I emotionally “hung in there” until he walked thru the door with two chocolate chip pumpkin cookies. If you know me at all, you know I’m crazy for everything pumpkin. This blog should be called Pumpkin Lover’s Anonymous. But then it wouldn’t be anonymous I guess. Anyway. . .

Yesterday was Keegan’s last day at work; as he left for his sophomore year of college today. His boss brought in food to celebrate a great summer and to wish him well at school. So he stole TWO cookies, just for me. What 19-year-old does that? Keegan, that’s who. I ate my cruffins (cross between a cookie and a muffin) and choked back a flood of tears.

It’s moments like these that literally bring me to my knees. All the thoughtful consideration, the respect and love symbolized in two little nuggets of pumpkiny goodness. I’m so thankful and grateful to God for all that Keegan is. And being honest, I really don’t want anything to change.

I’m reminded though, of the words of the great British theologian John Henry Newman.

“To live is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often.”

I believe that Newman means “to have lived well” when he writes of being perfect in this sentence. As a recovering perfectionist, any chance to legally be perfect is one I’ll always attempt.

So in the spirit of a new school year, new dreams and the possibility of the ever elusive perfection, I’ll throw my arms around change.  Which brings us to our final quote from an unknown author.

“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.”

 I wish you cruffins, butterflies and every blessing as you all begin again.

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One year later I’m not sure I’m ready for him to go again.

Audra Krell

That’s my “I’ve got 85 more days with my boy and I’m wearing a foam finger” smile. That was May 24.

Today I more resemble the boy behind me, sort of a dumbfounded look saying “what’s going on here?” combined with Keegan’s look of “is this really happening?”

Alas, it really is happening. He’s leaving a week from today.

I’ve found, that breakdowns can really occur anywhere. I have no shame.

No one is immune. Even the pediatrician, as we are discussing one of my other sons, might be the unsuspecting victim of the ugly cry.

Even in church, as they honored Keegan in front of thousands of people on Sunday, I bawled. A friend thought of calling 911, as I was almost prone in the vicinity of pew 10. Woman down.

What about the customer service rep at Bed, Bath and Beyond when I lost one of my coupons…

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Bed, Bath & Beyond Breakdown

Photo Courtesy @Andrew Bender

That’s my “I’ve got 85 more days with my boy and I’m wearing a foam finger” smile. That was May 24.

Today I more resemble the boy behind me, sort of a dumbfounded look saying “what’s going on here?” combined with Keegan’s look of “is this really happening?”

Alas, it really is happening. He’s leaving a week from today.

I’ve found, that breakdowns can really occur anywhere. I have no shame.

No one is immune. Even the pediatrician, as we are discussing one of my other sons, might be the unsuspecting victim of the ugly cry.

Even in church, as they honored Keegan in front of thousands of people on Sunday, I bawled. A friend thought of calling 911, as I was almost prone in the vicinity of pew 10. Woman down.

What about the customer service rep at Bed, Bath and Beyond when I lost one of my coupons yesterday? Is that really something to get choked up about?

Because she was so gracious about the coupon though, I wanted to ask her, what exactly is the “beyond” your sign so eloquently speaks of?

What will happen to me next week as all the bed and bath supplies are purchased and hanging in his new home? How will I feel when one less place is set at dinner? Or the first time he calls and says “Mom, I’m sick.”  Or the Saturday morning I wake up and just want to have breakfast with him? Or at midnight when I wake up frantic because he hasn’t told me he’s home yet? Or the countless hugs and merciless teasing which will be absent from every day?

They should just call it Bed and Bath. Adding Beyond makes it sound exciting and I for one think it’s cruel. It implies there is something in that store to fill the hole in our home.

I searched the whole place yesterday, there isn’t a thing.

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