This morning I was invited to the launch of the book Married But Looking. I have no idea what it’s about, but from a marketing and personal standpoint, it’s a message I don’t care about. I’m not intrigued.
Marriages everywhere would do well to think in terms of inbound marketing. We need to stop pushing our messages out and start pulling our spouse in. Many people spend time making themselves marketable to an unnecessary audience. As a committed partner, we shouldn’t even be looking for an audience; we have all we need at home. We spend thousands of dollars making ourselves presentable to the world, when the nurturing of our private life is neglected, choked and tangled.
All any of us want is to be known and loved for who we are. Often the persona we present to the world, isn’t at all who we are. Again, lots of money wasted on a mask that will crack and break. We don these masks and wake up one day lost in the culture, touting messages we never intended and dying, literally dying to be found.
I too, used to be caught in the sticky web of trying to please the world. When I woke up face down in a proverbial gutter, something whispered above the worldly noise. God’s voice reminding me I hadn’t been abandoned and never would be. He further reminded me of my purpose; to love my man. Getting back up wasn’t easy, but the less I looked at the world and the more attention I paid to my marriage, the quicker I healed.
A couple of weeks ago, I played percussion with the orchestra at church. We did one of my favorites, an amazing gospel version of I’ll Fly Away and Soon And Very Soon. I was to lay out during the intro and come in on the verse. I was just having myself a time; counting, swaying and tapping my foot.
Then I saw him.
My handsome husband’s face stood out in a sea of 2000. It took my breath away and I was lost in him, thinking over and over, “I love him. I love him so much.”
My entrance came and went.
“Come on Audra!” I snapped out of my dreamy reverie as the conga player commanded me to do my part. I spazzed on the tambourine and played on 1 and 3 instead of 2 and 4. All the while trying not to laugh out loud, because he still gets to me. (My husband, not the conga player.)
After knowing him for 26.5 years and being married for 19, Steve still deeply gets to me.
And so I’m grateful for the gift of God cracking my mask. I see much better now. The world is a cold, dark place which will never be satisfied with my efforts. But at home,in the safety of our marriage, the warmth and acceptance is everything I’ve ever wanted.
To connect intimately with your spouse, quit investing in outbound, pointless messages and take a hard look at what’s right in front of you. Use your powerful energy to build, grow and nurture a healthy, inbound marriage.
You don’t want your spouse to be married, but looking.
Loved savoring every drop of this post.
Wow, Audra. That was amazing. Thanks.
I was thinking of you when I wrote the piece, I love all your writing on marriage and appreciate knowing you liked this post.
So true! A much needed message.
Thank you for commenting and stopping by, so good to “see” you here Rena.
Nice affirmation of marriage, and yes, a lousy book title. How about one on “Married and Loving Every Minute”?
I like that title Richard. We could do something with a double meaning on how we can be loving every minute, even when we don’t “feel” like it.
Good stuff. We all need a reminder that the ones out there waiting to be impressed are empty and full of problems they still are trying to fix in the flesh. It’s like the young dumb kid in Proverbs, going down by the corner; surely death awaits…
Thanks for the great tribute to your husband and God.
I forgive you for messing up the performance at church…!
Floyd, You don’t know how much better I’ll sleep tonight knowing that you forgive me. I know you’re usually at the early service, where I met my demise. I’ll do better next time?
Though I know nothing about what you mentioned at the start of this post; I, too, have no interest. I especially love what you said about marriage and getting lost in our men.
So thankful for the truth found in your words,